Understand Your Fellow Human Being: Scandinavians
Americans are frequently criticized (usually by Europeans and American liberals) for being insular people who don’t have any knowledge of the outside world. Well of course we are! If you lived here you wouldn’t see any reason to learn anything about your inferiors either, Frenchy.
Nevertheless, as a public service and a means of handing an olive branch to my esteemed colleagues across the pond, I’m now presenting a primer on geographical anthropology to you, my three readers.
Next up: Scandinavia. All entries in this series can be found here.
Let’s face it, when most people think of Scandinavia they think of blonde-haired people riding on reindeer or skiing, possibly with a horned helmet on their heads. And they’re right. That is all they do. But there’s a little more people could learn if they wanted to. For example, did you know that the captain of Sweden’s women’s curling team looks kind of like a blonde and female version of my father? I bet you didn’t.
Also, Scandinavia is where they give out Nobel Peace Prizes to people who haven’t really done anything in the pursuit of peace. For example, someone won one for making apocalyptic predictions that the weather is going to get warmer in the future, and it’s all our fault. Even if he was right, how does that promote peace? But Scandinavians are funny in their own way, else they’d call it the Nobel Druidism Prize or something.
Scandinavians are one of a very select group of people to have inspired the name of an American football team. Wow. On second thought that’s not all that select a group, is it? Well, I tried. They did give us the band Hammerfall, which in turn gave us the awesome song “Hearts on Fire” from Rocky IV. Upon further reflection, this is probably the most awesome thing Scandinavians have ever done.
To fit the Scandis in with our analogy from a prior post, they’re like the kid who sits up at the front of the class and studies really hard. They suck up to the teacher all the time and everyone sees right through it but no one really cares all that much because they’re nice enough. Plus they tell good stories, even if they’re aimed at a bit of a younger audience. Weirdly, their bikes are missing parts and fall apart occasionally. Plus their sisters are pretty hot. They get along with pretty much everybody which is good because they’re kind of wusses so they wouldn’t bring a lot to the table if a huge fight broke out.
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